THB #491: Madame Web (of Excrement)

who needs CG?

If you ever wondered what a Spider-Man movie might look like if Cannon Films was still in business, go see Madame Web.

Honestly, I was gobsmacked from start to finish. The film doesn’t have the problems of an Eternals or The Marvels, where the filmmakers were going for something that just didn’t ignite. This film is is an absolutely incoherent mess from start to finish. Doesn’t work as an origin story. Doesn’t work as a superhero revelation piece. Doesn’t work as a thriller that happens to have some super powers.

The film explains (poorly) that Madame Web can see the future in short bursts, allowing her to adjust to what is coming… which leads to more irrational mayhem. But for most of the film, the result is that we are watching a terrible scene and then, with mumbo jumbo, we then watch it again… and again… with a slight variation that mostly irritates.

In my high school, they did The Pajama Game one year. There is a song, “Hey There,” which the male lead sings into a ta…